The most important moment in a financial planning relationship is not the portfolio construction meeting. It is not the product selection discussion. It is not the performance review.

It is the initial discovery conversation.

The quality of that conversation quietly determines the trajectory of everything that follows – how a client behaves, how resilient they will be under pressure, and whether the plan will survive contact with reality.

Great advisors understand this. It this insight sets them apart.

Connecting With What Matters and Why

Most people arrive at a financial planning meeting with goals already formed: Retire at 65, achieve financial independence, leave a legacy, Grow wealth, and so on.

But goals are often borrowed. Conditioned. Inherited from culture, peers, or convention. They sound sensible, but they are rarely examined.

Skilled advisors do not stop at “what” a client wants. They slow the conversation down and explore the “why.”  Why is independence important to you? What does security actually mean in your life? What freedom are you really seeking?

These are not abstract questions. They are practical ones, because meaning fuels behaviour. When people are emotionally connected to what matters, they show up differently. They commit differently. They endure differently.

Without this connection, even the most elegant financial plan remains fragile.

Designing for Behaviour

Most financial plans assume good behaviour. They assume patience during drawdowns. They assume rational decision-making under stress. They assume discipline when fear or greed appears.

In life – behaviour cannot be assumed—it must be designed for. Periods of heightened market volatility consistently remind us of this enduring truth.

Advisors who understand this shift their focus from portfolios to processes. They build structures that protect clients from their own emotional impulses. They design systems that make good behaviour easier and bad behaviour harder.

This might include:

• Pre-agreed decision rules during market stress
• Clear narratives around volatility before it arrives
• Cash-flow buffers that reduce emotional pressure

This is not about controlling clients. It is about supporting and guiding them. Acknowledging that fear, doubt, and regret are part of being human.

A portfolio is only as good as the behaviour it can survive.

The Power of Early Discomfort

Most advisors avoid uncomfortable conversations. They worry about appearing negative. They fear disrupting optimism. They want to preserve rapport. But avoiding discomfort early only guarantees far greater discomfort later.

Advisors who provide real value speak honestly about what lies ahead. They explain drawdowns before they happen. They normalise uncertainty. They describe what investing feels like, not just how it works on paper.

They have conversations highlighting that the journey will be harder than what the client expects at times. There will be moments when the plan will feel wrong. That “Your future self” will want to quit and we need to prepare for that now.

These conversations are not pessimistic. They are deeply connected to reality and prepare the client for what lies ahead. When clients are prepared, volatility becomes familiar rather than frightening. When discomfort arrives, it feels expected and not like a failure of the plan.

The Initial Conversations are Transformative

It is not an administrative step. It is not a fact-finding exercise or a tick box for compliance.

It is a personal intervention. That may sound dramatic, but it is essential for long-term commitment and success. Without it, personal clarity suffers. Without clarity, no plan can endure.

It determines:

• Whether the plan belongs to the client or to the spreadsheet
• Whether behaviour is supported or merely hoped for
• Whether the relationship is transactional or transformational

When done well, it changes how clients relate to money, uncertainty, and themselves. It shifts financial planning from optimisation to alignment. From managing assets to guiding a life.

Everything that follows is shaped by this initial process and the depth of the conversation that guides it. When people are connected to what matters, supported by thoughtful processes, and prepared for discomfort, they become better investors.

They also become more resilient human beings.

 

Written by Marius Kilian